Ethan Chapin refereed youth basketball throughout his teenage years, sometimes offering pointers to the younger players.
Fairness came naturally to the first born of the Chapin triplets, who loved sports and participated in any way he could.
“When you have triplets, you have this compelling sense of fairness,” Stacy Chapin, Ethan’s mom, tells TODAY.com. “He didn’t play favorites. He didn’t care who the best player was on the team or the last player on the team. He just loved playing.”
Ethan Chapin, 20, was one of four students who was stabbed to death at the University of Idaho last November in a crime that horrified the nation.
“He was born with the kindest soul.”
Since then, his mom Stacy, dad Jim, and siblings Maizie and Hunter have been piecing their lives back together. Stacy Chapin recently wrote a children’s book, “The Boy Who Wore Blue,” about Ethan. She shares exclusively with TODAY.com how the family is keeping Ethan's memory alive while finding a path forward.
“It’s a different dynamic in our home without Ethan," she says, "but we work every day on it.”
Ethan Chapin was the glue of the family
When Stacy Chapin gave birth, Ethan arrived at 4:43 p.m., followed by Maizie a minute later and then Hunter a minute after Maizie. His mom says that in many ways, Ethan was a typical first-born child and settled into the role of leader.
“He was definitely the glue that kept all of us together. He was funny and inclusive, and he always made sure that Maizie and Hunter were included and loved,” Chapin says. “He was born with the kindest soul.”
After having the triplets, Stacy Chapin became a stay-at-home mom. They gave each child had a signature color: blue for Ethan, pink for Maizie and green for Hunter.
“You have to make sure that each has their own,” Chapin says. Whatever clothes or toys they bought, she says, “Everybody needs one, so you have to buy (three) colors.”
Maizie and Hunter came to rely on Ethan for support. Now there's an empty space where their big brother used to be.
“Both of them individually leaned on Ethan,” she says. “They’re learning to realize they have to lean on each other.”
The family has been experiencing a lot of firsts, some big and some small, without Ethan, who was studying sports management before his death. It’s been tough for Chapin to watch her children navigate life without their brother.
“The boys were mostly together all the time,” she says. “Hunter said for the first time he had driven through a drive-thru … by himself, and he’s never done that before. You can imagine the challenges of that when you spent 20 years with somebody.”
I’m the soft place to land in our family.
stacy chapin
In some ways, Ethan kept his friends together, too. As fraternity brothers and friends text or call to see how the family is doing, Stacy has learned more about Ethan, such as how he had almost perfect attendance in 8 a.m. math class. Chapin thought it would be tough for Ethan to make an early morning class, and she often looked at the location app they family used to see if he was there. Each day, he was. Recently, she learned one of Ethan’s friends gave him an assist.
“We had a little gathering at the fraternity, which was literally one of the greatest things we had in the healing process,” she says. “This one young man was like, ‘He would have me take his cellphone to class with me so (the app) would show him in class.’ … He knew I was watching if he would go. It’s so funny.”
Chapin says she tries to manage her own grief while still being there for Hunter and Maizie.
“It’s a mom’s job,” she says. “I’m the soft place to land in our family … The foundation of our family has provided the strength for our kids to move forward.”
Small things remind her of Ethan, like the sports apps on her phone. She laughs and says her “parenting tip” is for others to download these apps so they can talk about the latest big play with their sports-loving children.
“We could have great conversations about basketball or some big sporting event,” she says.
The Boy Who Wore Blue
Maizie and Hunter returned to the University of Idaho in January.
“It felt like the right decision. We spent two months together,” Chapin says. “They needed to go back to school and continue on. We all literally have to put our best foot forward.”
Both did well this semester and the family took a vacation when school ended to reconnect.
“I’m so proud of them for what they’ve endured and how they’ve succeeded,” she says. “We just sat on the beach in the sunshine and watched the sunset every night. It was good. It was the start of our new family.”
In April, the family announced the sale of "Ethan’s Smile" tulips to fund the Ethan’s Smile Foundation. Proceeds from the sales of the bulbs — provided by Tulip Valley Farms in Mt. Vernon, Washington, where Ethan worked the summer before his death, help the foundation offer scholarships to high school students from Ethan’s school to attend the University of Idaho.
Be happy, include everybody and just live your best life.
“The foundation is a wonderful way to be able to give to other kids what we have tried to provide to our own kids,” Chapin says. “That’s the most important thing.”
Speaking out also has helped others. Families thanked the Chapins for sending their children back to school, as it made them feel more comfortable letting their own students return to the university. Supporting other people helps Chapin with her grief and, she says, it feels like another way to honor Ethan.
“(We’ve) tried to help people along the way,” she says. “It’s cathartic.”
Writing a children's book has been "a huge piece of the healing process,” Chapin says. “The only thing I can equate it to is like a country song of your favorite artist who goes through a breakup and writes their greatest hit.”
It’s a fitting analogy, as Ethan loved country music and Morgan Wallen was his favorite.
“Mother’s Day a year ago, Morgan Wallen wrote a song for his mom,” Chapin says. “Ethan sent it to me in a message and was like, ‘Oh my gosh we have a song.’”
Writing the book came naturally to Chapin and it’s “truly a biography,” she says. Chapin simply hopes others embrace what made Ethan special.
“For the people who know him, it will confirm what we all knew about him, and it will be a reminder. But for the people who don’t know him, it will allow them to know him,” she says. “The bigger message … is to really, genuinely take a moment, be happy, include everybody and just live your best life. It’s the best message we could send through him.”